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5 Steps To Making A Connection

By David Mackenzie

Who? What? When? Where? Why?

5 steps to making a connection

Step 1. There isn't a formula for making friends

Step 2. Life doesn't have quick, click bait fixes to it.

Step 3. This article title was a bit misleading

Step 4. You may have gathered these are no longer steps

Step 5. What I really want to say is:

I tried writing this article to actually fit the above brief, I had 5 areas to consider just like in the title, but it just didn't work. Putting in answers to these questions didn't feel right or very personal at all. We all want to make connections but I don't really remember ever being taught how to. Don’t worry, i'm not going to contradict myself and tell you how you should, I am going to tell you how I did though.

If you haven't read my first article please do as this will give context and the rest of the article will make more sense with it and also please just read it.

I painted a very bleak picture of first year, and to be honest that wasn't my worst year. I've had far darker times that just staying up late but that story is for another time. First year was when I began friendships with three of my closest and dearest friends. 

Paddy was a fantastic guy, a jovial and genuine Northern Irish chap who helped welcome me to the Bubble. I was attending an event hosted by the Christian society Solid Rock, called After Dark where he became the instrument of sorts in my meeting these soon to be friends. He asked me if I had an academic dad yet and as soon as the words no were out of my mouth he was off to the other side of the room, instructing me to wait there. 

After some time had passed I was then introduced to Oli Ip and awkwardly embraced - again under Paddy’s excited instruction. So Oli became the second instrument in the path towards friendship, but I was still lacking a mother. This problem was quickly solved when Oli found me Kirsten, and so I was set. I had my academic parents and had ticked off a box on the list of St Andrews traditions. 

Then I met my brothers and sisters. Lewis and Naushin on my dad’s side, and Aneurin on my mother’s side. Over the next 3 years or so these were to become some of my closest and dearest friends. At CU events and family gatherings I spent time with these people and got to know them and really hit it off, so much so that Lewis and Aneurin became my roommates for the next 3 years. 

I can’t tell you how much these people have meant to me and I also don’t want to as not everything is for sharing. Suffice to say, I love these guys and I never, ever want to lose them as friends as they are dear to me.

Now all I’ve told you is that I’ve made wonderful friends at university and how it came about that I met them. Maybe that’s enough though. I’m not going to pretend that I’m good at making friends and I know how to do it, because I don’t and I’m shy. To try to simplify human relationships to a 5 step program would be ludicrous, and to suggest a solution to making friends would be highly arrogant.

When I first started writing this that’s what I tried to do, I failed.

Instead I wrote about what I know and my experience, I hope this helps.

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